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Dowcipy Angielskie - - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

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Dowcipy Angielskie - - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

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Dowcipy Angielskie - - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

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Dowcipy Angielskie - - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

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Dowcipy Angielskie - - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A man wanted a new aardvark so he looked through the classified ads. He phoned a number he found and an elderly lady answered. "How much are your aardvarks?" he asked. "They're L6 each," came the reply. "Did you raise them yourself?" inquired the man. "Oh yes," she said, "Yesterday they were only L5 each." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Did you hear about the household appliance that eats ants and records TV shows? It's the VCRdvard - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How do you define an aardvark? Aan aanimal that resembles an aanteater! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How do ants hide from aardvarks? They disguise themselves as uncles! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How many aardvarks can ride on an elephant? Six... three on the back and three in the trunk! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - I've got a new aardvark. Would you like to play with him? I don't really know. I've heard it growling, it doesn't sound very friendly. Does it bite? That's what I want to find out. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Read more Apple jokes - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Read more Accountant jokes - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Read more Aardvark jokes - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Read more Answer me this jokes - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Read more Ant jokes - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Two aardvarks watched in amazement as a firework flashed across the sky. 1st aardvark: Wow! I wish I could fly like that. 2nd aardvark: You would, if your tail was on fire. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What are the aardvark's favorite Beatle's songs? It's Been an Aards Day's Night and I Want to Hold Your Ant! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What command does the aardvark give most often when he sails? Snout about! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What did the impatient waiter ask the gluttonous aardvark? Is that your final ant, sir! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What did the aardvark say when he lost the race to the ant? If you can't beat 'em, eat 'em! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you call a boxing match between two aardvarks? A snout bout! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you call a pickled aardvark? A jarredvark! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you call a Polish aardvark? A Polaark! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you call a thick-skinned aardvark? A hardvark! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - "The auditors have just left, sir." "Did they check the books?" "Very thoroughly." "What did they say?" "They want 15% to keep quiet." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant. Her friend asks, "Didn't your company hire an accountant a short while ago?" The business owner replies, "That's the accountant I've been searching for." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary." When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that l8 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?" The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two." The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm glad we had time to discuss this important question." The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001. The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four. The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, "How much is two and two?" The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant. The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions. "Was he tall or was he short?" The businessman replies, "Both!" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant. His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?" The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Want to hear an accountant joke?" The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I'm 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I'm an accountant. And the guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, 225 pounds, and he's an accountant. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?" The first guy says, "No, I don't want to have to explain it two times." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A man walking along a country road comes across a farmer droving a huge mob of sheep. He stops and chats for a while and then says, "Tell you what, I'll bet you 0 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in that flock." The farmer thinks for a moment, it is a big mob and he can't see how anyone could guess correctly so he says, "OK. You're on." "Nine hundred and thirty two," says the man. The farmer takes off his hat and scratches his head. "I don't know how you did it but that's exactly right. A bet's a bet. Take any sheep." The man picks up an animal and is about to walk off when the farmer says, "Hang on. Bet you double or nothing that I can guess your occupation." The man thinks, "How would he know, he's never met me before" and says "Righto. You're on". The farmer says, "You're an auditor with a Big Four firm." The man whistles . "How the heck did you know that?" "Well," says the farmer, "put my dog down and I'll tell you." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, "I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We're here to destroy your civilisation, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?" The owner replies, "I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live." The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?" The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant." "Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient. "No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to "The Unknown Soldier". At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: "Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg". The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name. The resident replied, "As a soldier, that Seymour was pretty much unknown, but as an accountant-Oy! He was something." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day's work. After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant. Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation. His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message: "Debits in the column toward t he file cabinet. Credits in the column toward the window." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters." "OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?" "You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner. "Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?" "That," says the man, "is your first worry." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child: "No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn't be tax deductible, but I like your thinking". - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows him three identical parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs 0." "Why does that parrot cost so much?" asks the accountant. "Well," replies the owner, "it knows how to do complex audits." "How much does the middle parrot cost?" asks the accountant. "That one costs ,000 because it can do everything the first one can do plus it knows how to prepare financial forecasts". The startled accountant asks about the third parrot, to be told it costs ,000. Needless to say, this begs the question, "What can it do?" To which the owner replies "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it. He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin. Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load. On every occasion there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip. On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath. Nothing. He could never find anything amiss. After a few months of this the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned. A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On a n impulse the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't shop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?" And the bloke said "Tarpaulins." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: "This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old". "Where did you get this exact information?" "I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - An auditor is checking the books of an airline. He is puzzled by the excess use of fuel on a Melbourne to Canberra flight. He rings up the pilot and asks for an explanation. "It was late at night'" says the pilot, "Canberra was covered in fog and I lost my bearings." "I'm sorry," says the auditor, "but you'll have to bear the cost yourself." "The cost of what?" asks the pilot. "Of the bearings you lost." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - An auditor was examining the balance sheet of a mining company that had just bought a sheep station in the Pilbara area of Western Australia. The reason for the purchase was partly for the thousands of acres that the station covered and partly for the thousands of sheep that ranged over those thousands of acres. The auditor, being very diligent, noted that the value of the sheep formed a significant asset and, like all good auditors, knew that he would have to verify that asset. He chartered an aircraft and flew up to the station. The manager was at the airstrip to meet him. "Hello," he said. "I'm the auditor. I've come to count the sheep." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully"? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Consider one of the most perplexing questions of our time: Where do' solutions go when a candidate gets elected? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Do fish get thirsty? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Do steam rollers really roll steam? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Do vampires get AIDS? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mine? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Does killing time damage eternity? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Don't you just hate the blatant materialism surrounding Christmas? And aren't you just dying to know what you got? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How come wrong numbers are never busy? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How does AVON find so many women willing to take orders ? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How long will a floating point operation float? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How many weeks are there in a light year? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How come if ants are always so busy they always get time to show up at picnics ? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How many ants are needed to fill an apartment ? Ten ants ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you call a 100 year old ant ? An antique ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you call a greedy ant ? An anteater ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you call a smart ant ? Elegant ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you call an and with frogs legs ? An antphibian ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you call an ant from overseas ? Impartant - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you call an ant in space ? Cosmonants & Astronants ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you call an ant who can't play the piano ? Discordant ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you call an ant who likes to be alone ? An independant ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you call an ant who lives with your great uncle ? Your great-ant ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you call an ant who skips school ? A truant ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes ? Antteneye ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics ? All sorts of antics ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What is even bigger than an elephant ? A giant ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What is smaller than an ant's dinner ? An ant's mouth ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What kind of ant can you colour with ? A crayant ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What kind of ant is good at maths ? An accountant ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What kind of ants are very learned ? Pedants ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What medicine would you give an ill ant ? Antibiotics ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A Pittsburgh steel worker was driving through northern California's apple country. He stopped at an orchard and asked the owner, "How much are yer apples?" "All you can pick for one dollar," said the rancher. "Okay," said the Pennsylvanian. "I'll take two dollars' worth." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 apples and I asked for one, how many would you have left?" Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 apples." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - First apple: You look down in the dumps. What's eating you? Second apple: Worms, I think. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Fred came rushing in to his Dad. "Dad!" he puffed, "is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?" "That's what they say," said his Dad. "Well, give me an apple quick ? I've just broken the doctor's window!" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How does an apple a day keep the doctor away? When you take careful aim. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - If it took six pigs two hours to eat the apples in the orchard, how many hours would it take three pigs? None, because the six pigs have already eaten them all. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Once upon a time there were five apples Which was the cowboy? None - because they were all redskins. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - School lunches are not generally popular with those that have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason. "What kind of pie do you call this ?" asked one schoolboy indignantly. "What's it taste of ?" asked the cook. "Glue!" "Then it's apple pie, the plum pie tastes of soap." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - The desk sergeant answered the phone, and at once a woman began screaming. "You've got to help me! There's a giant gray thing in my yard, and it's pulling apples off the tree with its tail!" "What's he doing with the apples?" the sergeant asked. "If I told you," the woman cried, "you wouldn't believe me!" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Two boys were eating a snack lunch in the school yard. One had an apple and the other said, "Watch out for worms won't you!" The first one replied, "Why should I? They can watch out for themselves." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Two girls were having their packed lunch in the school yard. One had an apple and the other said, 'Watch out for worms won't you !' The first one replied, 'why should I ? They can watch out for themselves. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - "Flight 1234, are you ready to copy holding instructions?" "Center, make that request on the next frequency...." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - "Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees.." "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 707 makes when it hits a 727?" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - "Hello flight 56, if you hear me rock your wings.." "OK TOWER, IF YOU HEAR ME ROCK THE TOWER!!" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - "I've never flown before, said the nervous old lady to the pilot. "You will bring me down safely, won't you? "All I can say ma'am," said the pilot, "is that I've never left anyone up there yet!" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or other adults acting like children." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - "This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. "If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. "If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. "If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. "That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered. "But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered: "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....." She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "Be silent!" There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, "OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head st ewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new airplane in the living room. She heard her son said, "All of you sons of bitches get the hell off the plane now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the plane, cause we're going to take-off now." The mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your plane, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his plane. Soon the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are deplaning, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for flying with us today and hope your tr ip was a pleasant one. We hope you will fly with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the plane. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A husband suspects his wife is having an affair with a pilot, but she keeps denying it--until finally the husband just knew when his wife said: "Honey, I've told you once, I've told you twice, I've told you niner thousand times, negative on the affair ..." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep. The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him. "So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A man is flying from Los Angeles to New York. During the meal service, he accidentally knocked the spoon off to the aisle with his elbow. The flight attendant immediately took a spoon from his pocket and placed it on his tray table. The man was very impressed by the promptness of the service and asked, "Do all flight attendants carry a spoon in their pockets?" The flight attendant answered, "We had an efficiency expert in to evaluate our operation. He determined that 25% of the customers knock the spoon off their tray tables. By carrying a spare spoon, we all save trips to the galley and can be much more efficient." Later, as the flight attendant is picking his dirty tray up, the customer asked, "Excuse me for asking but why do you have a string hanging from your fly?" The flight attendant replied, "The efficiency expert determined that we were spending too much t ime washing our hands after we went to the bathroom. To counteract this, we tie strings to our penises." The customer looked confused. "How does that help?" he asked. "Well, when I go to the bathroom I just use the string. Since I never touched myself I don't need to wash my hands." The customer nodded and asked, "But how do you get it back in your pants?" The flight attendant smiled, "I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As he's falling, he realizes hiss chute is broken. He doesn't know anything about parachutes, but as the earth rapidly approaches, he realizes his options are limited; he takes off the parachute and tries to fix it himself on the way down. The wind is ripping past his face, he's dropping like a rock, and at 5000 feet, another man goes shooting up past him. In desperation, the man with the chute looks up and yells, "Hey do you know anything about parachutes?!" The guy flying up looks down and yells, "No, do you know anything about gas stoves?!" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A man named Mr. Smith was flying from San Francisco to LA. Unexpectedly the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 30 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. Mr. Smith had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the blind man had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. Mr. Smith could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe the dog would like to stretch his legs". Now, picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Boston?" The clerk said, "Just a minute..." "Thank you," the man said and hung up. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A man walks up to the counter at the airport. "Can I help you?" asks the agent. "I want a round trip ticket," says the man. "Where to?" asks the agent. "Right back to here." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. So they throw out a rifle. "More!" he cries again. They heave out a missile, and the pilot regains control. He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport. They get into a jeep and drive off. Pretty soon they meet a boy on the side of the road who's crying. They ask him why he's crying and he says "A pistol hit me on the head!" They drive more and meet another boy who's crying even harder. Again they ask why and the boy says, "A rifle hit me on the head!" They apologize and keep driving. They meet a boy on the sidewalk who's laughing hysterically. They ask h im, "Kid, what's so funny?" The boy replies, "I sneezed and a house blew up!" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A mother and her son were flying "Southwest Airlines" from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" He said that his mother had. So the stewardess said, "Tell your mother that Southwest always pulls out on time." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A pilot and a co-pilot were descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield, and suddenly exclaimed to the co-pilot: "Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I've never seen one that short!" The co-pilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you're right! That's incredible! Are you sure we can make it?" "Well we better, we're almost out of fuel." So the captain got on the intercom, and notified the passengers to put their heads between their knees, and prepare for an emergency landing. Then he set the flaps to full down, and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the ragged edge of control. The pilot's hands were sweating, the co-pilot was praying. They touched down, and came screeching to a halt just before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking. "HEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain. "That runway was SHORT!" "Yeah!" said the co-pilot, "and WIDE too!" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day. "Well, Skip," said the scout, "Mum had only one dose of castor oil left, so I let my baby brother have it." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, "Dad, am I pure polar bear?" The dad replies, "Sure you are son. I'm all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear." Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, "Mom, am I pure polar bear?" She answers, "Of course you are honey. I'm all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear." Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks, "Grandmom...Grandpop...am I all polar bear?" His grandmother answers, "Of course you are sweetie. We're all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie?" The baby polar bears replies, "Because I'm f****** freezing!" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A distraught mum rushed into the back yard, where eight-year-old Tommy was banging on the bottom of an old upturned tin bath with a poker. "What do you think you're doing?" she demanded. "I'm just entertaining the baby," explained Tommy. "Where is the baby?" asked his Mum. "Under the bath." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A family of ducks were walking down the road when an 18-wheeler ran over all but 1 baby. Farther down the road a family of skunks were walking the other way when the same 18-wheeler ran over all but one baby. The duck and the skunk finally met each other and the duck said, "Excuse me, my mom died down the road. Would you tell me what I am?" "Well", said the skunk "You have webbed feet, a beak, and feathers. You must be a duck." "Thanks" said the duck; then the skunk said, "My mom died down the road too, will you tell me what I am?" "Well", said the duck, "Your black, your white, & your mom's dead, you must be O.J.'s kid" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Cry Baby - by Liza Weeping - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Daddy, daddy, can I have another glass of water, please? But that's the tenth one I've given you tonight! Yes, but the baby's bedroom is still on fire. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Dewey and Odell met on the Brownsville main street. "Say," said Dewey, "Ah hurd yew and yore wife is goin' ta night school ta take Spanish lessons. How cum?" "Uh huh," answered Odell. "We went and adopted us a little Mexican baby, and we wanna be able ta understand him when he gets old enough ta talk!" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Did you hear about Mrs Dimwit's new baby? She thought babies should be pink, so she took this one to the doctor because it was a horrible yeller. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Did you hear about the witch who had the ugliest baby in the world? She didn't push the pram - she pulled it. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Do you like your new baby sister? She's all right. Do you play with her? No, and we can't even send her back because she's been here more than 28 days. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Doctor, doctor, my baby's swallowed a watch! Give it some Epsom Salts: that should help it pass the time. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Fred: My mum's having a new baby. Drew: What's wrong with the old one? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How can you tell if a snake is a baby snake? It has a rattle. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How did the witch almost lose her baby? She didn't take it far enough into the woods. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep? You rock-et. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How do you get a paper baby? Marry an old bag. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How does a baby ghost cry? "Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - I got a letter from my sister. She just had a baby. But she didn't say whether it's a boy or girl. So I don't know if I'm an uncle or an aunt. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - I see the baby's nose is running again," said a worried father. "For goodness sake!" snapped his wife. "Can't you think of anything other than horse racing?" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - It can't go on! It can't go on! What can't go on? This baby's vest ? it's too small for me. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Knock knock Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana ? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Knock Knock Who's there ! Banana ! Banana who ? Banana split so ice creamed ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Mother Banana: Why didn't you go to school today? Little Banana: Because I didn't peel well. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Teacher: What is Ba + Na2? Pupil: Banana. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - The last time I saw a face like yours I threw it a banana. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - They're not going to grow bananas any longer. Really? Why not? Because they're long enough already. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Tom: What did the banana say to the elephant? Nick: I don't know. Tom: Nothing. Bananas can't talk. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What did the boy banana say to the girl banana? "You have a lot of appeal." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What is a ghost favorite fruit ? Boonanaa ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What is long and yellow and always points north? A magnetic banana. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What is the difference between a banana and a bell? You can only peel (peal) the banana once. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - "Didja hear the news?" asked Keenan of his pal at the saloon. "Harrigan drank so much, his wife left him!" "Bartender! Give me six boilermakers!!" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - "I was married 3 times" explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, "and I'll never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull." "That's a shame." said his friend , "How did it happen?" "She wouldn't eat the mushrooms!" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - "Shhaaayyy, buddy, what's a 'Breathalyzer'?" asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool. "Well, I'd have to say that it's a bag that tells you when you've drunk way too much," answered the equally wasted gent. "Ah hell, whaddya know? I've been married to one of those for years!" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A cowboy walks in to a bar and says," I want a beer." So after he drank his beer he was about to leave then he noticed that his horse was gone.He shouted," if i dont get my horse back after this beer i am gonna have to do what i did in Georgia. So he finished his beer and he saw his horse was back so he got on and rode a little, then the bartender asked out the window what did you have in Georgia? i had to walk home. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve food here". - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey. The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains. "What's it telling you now?" she asked. "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said. The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!" The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A Skeleton walks into a bar, asks for a beer... and a mop. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A brain walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a pint of beer please." The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I can't serve you." "Why not?" askes the brain. "You're already out of your head." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for ,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!" "So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes. When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off. When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0. The cop says, 'How is this possible?' The guy says,'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.' - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A drunk is refused a drink in a bar, so he undertakes to prove to the barman that he is sober. He gestures toward a cat near the doorway and says, "You see that cat coming in the door? It has two eyes. If I were drunk, I'd see four!" The bartender looks, then pauses a moment. Finally he responds, "You're drunker than I thought!", taking the rest of the alcohol away, "That cat isn't coming in, it's going out!" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, ''I'm Jesus Christ.'' The first priest says, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.'' So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest replies, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.'' The drunk says, ''Look, I can prove it.'' and walks back into the bar with the priests. The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims, ''Jesus Christ, you're here again?'' - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs though, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his back. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke; the broken glass carved up his back terribly. Yet, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up terribly. He then repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed. The next morn ing, his head was hurting, his back was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom. "Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?" "I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers." "A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where did you go?" "What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?" "Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club. "You'll be driving later," replies the bartender. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk "do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked "Is this your floor?" "Yep". Then the good samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk "Do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs. Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over to him. But b efore he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and cried "Please officer, protect me from this man. He's been doing nothing all night long but taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A group of loud and rowdy drunks were making a racket in the street. It was the wee small hours of the morning and the lady of the house flung open a window and shouted at them to keep quiet. "Is this where Frank lives?" one of the drunks asked. "Yes, it is," the woman replied. "Well then," said the drunk, "Could you come and pick him out so the rest of us can go home?" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Darth Vader Barbie ...with plastic helmet; pull the string and she sounds like James Earl Jones - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - House Wife Barbie ...dressed in ratty, old housecoat; comes with dirty laundry and sink full of dishes - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Lion Tamer Barbie ...lion is included; Barbie's head is not - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Tonya Harding Barbie ...you didn't think we'd sell one without the other, did you? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Godzilla Barbie ...six foot tall lizard with Barbie head - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Mortal Kombat Barbie ...includes more blood than you can even imagine - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Chain Smoker Barbie ...with Surgeon General's warning on box - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Militant Femminist Barbie ...with an assault rifle - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Barbie Brain in a Jar ...an empty jar - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Cyberpunk Barbie ...includes 'trodes and implants - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Eye Patch Barbie ...with a choice of eye patch colors: purple, hot pink, or aqua! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Jock Barbie ...looks like Dennis Rodman - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Mutant Barbie ...Professor Xavier's daughter: bald as a billiard ball, wearing a Dark Phoenix costume - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Rastafarian Barbie ...she has dreadlocks and ganja, mon! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Steamroller Barbie ...doll squashed flat - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Werewolf Barbie ...normal doll, except under a full moon - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Marie Antionette Barbie ...with removable head; guillotine included - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Avalanche Barbie ...buried in 16 feet of snow - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Disco Barbie ...dressed in chiffon; inclbiudes disco ball - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - There is a new Barbie doll on the market - FrankenBarbie ...comes with bolts through her neck - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A man walked into a lodge in Yellowstone National Park. 'Can you give me a room and bath?' he asked the clerk. 'I can give you a room,' the clerk said. 'But you'll have to take the bath by yourself!' - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Adam: How did Mummy know you hadn't had a bath? Eve: I forgot to dirty the towel, wet the soap and flood the bathroom. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Are you going to take a bath? No, I'm leaving it where it is. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Boy: Dad, dad, there's a spider in the bath. Dad: What's wrong with that? You've seen spiders before. Boy: Yes, but this one is three feet wide and using all the hot water! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Did you hear about the idiot who had a new bath put in? The plumber said, "Would you like a plug for it?" The idiot replied, "Oh, I didn't know it was electric." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Doctor: And did you drink your medicine after your bath, Mrs Soap? Mrs Soap: No, doctor. By the time I'd drunk the bath there wasn't room for medicine. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Doctor: The best time to take a bath is before retiring. Patient: You mean I don't need another bath until I'm sixty-five? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Doctor: Your system needs freshening up a bit. I suggest you take a cold bath every morning. Patient: Oh, but I do, doctor. Doctor: You do? Patient: Yes, every morning I take a nice cold bath and fill it with nice hot water! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Does your brother keep himself clean? Oh, yes. He takes a bath every month whether he needs one or not. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Dr Frankenstein: I've just invented something that everyone in the world will want! You know how you get a nasty ring around the bathtub every time you use it, and you have to clean the ring off? Igor: Yes, I hate it. Dr Frankenstein: Well, you need never have a bathtub ring again! I've invented the square tub . . . - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Hotel guest: Can you give me a room and a bath, please? Porter: I can give you a room, but you'll have to wash yourself. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How do vampire football players get the mud off? They all get in the bat-tub. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How do you know that there's a monster in your bath? You can't get the shower curtain closed. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - May: What position does your brother play in the school football team ? Jay: I think he's one of the drawbacks ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Mom: Joe, time for your medicine. Joe: I'll run the bath then. Mom: Why? Joe: Because on the bottle it says "to be taken in water." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Mum, does God use the bathroom? No, what a funny question! Then why did Dad say this morning, 'Oh, God, are you still in there?' - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - My mother says I look just like an animal when I'm in the bath - a little bear. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Ned: Boy! Was I ever in hot water last night ! Ed: You were? What did you do ? Ned: I took a bath ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Nick: Can you tell me the way to Bath? Rick: I use soap and water, personally. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Robot: I have to dry my feet carefully after a bath. Monster: Why? Robot: Otherwise I get rusty nails. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - "My boyfriend says I look like a dishy Italian!"said Miss Conceited. ''Then he's right said her little brother.''Sophia Loren?'' "No-spaghetti!'' - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A little boy came running into the kitchen. 'Dad, dad' he said, 'there's a monster at the door with a really ugly face' 'Tell him you've already got one,' said his father ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A monster went to the doctor with a branch growing out of his head. "Hmmm," said the doctor. "I've no idea what it is." The next week the branch was covered in leaves and blossom. "I'm stumped," said the doctor, "but you can try taking these pills." When the monster came back a month later the branch had grown into a tree, and just a few weeks later he developed a small pond, surrounded by trees and bushes, all of them on top of his head. "Ah!" said the doctor, "I know what it is. You've got a beauty spot." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A witch went into a beauty parlor and asked the assistant how much it would cost to make her look like a film star. "Nothing," replied the assistant. "Nothing?" she asked, "but how can I look like a film star?" "Haven't you seen a film called The Creature from the Black Lagoon?" replied the assistant. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A woman went to a sweet store to buy some sweets. The boy behind the counter said "Gosh, your ugly aren't you?, I've never seen anyone so hideous as you before" "Young man" she replied. " I didn't come here to be insulted" "Really", he said, "Where do you usually go ?" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance ? Man: It did for a while - then it fell off. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair all down her back. Will: Pity it's not on her head. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Did you hear about the witch who did a four year course in ugliness? She finished it in two. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Did you hear about the girl monster who wasn't pretty and wasn't ugly ? She was pretty ugly - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Don't look out of the window, Betty, people will think it's Halloween. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity? Second girl: No, it's imagination. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday. I was there for three hours. Second Witch: Oh, what did you have done? First witch: Nothing, I was just going in for an estimate. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - First witch: My beauty is timeless. Second witch: Yes, it could stop a clock. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Fred keeps telling me that he's going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world. Oh, what a shame! And you've been engaged for such a long time! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Fred: What's that terribly ugly thing on your shoulders? Harry: Help! What is it? Fred: Your head! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Girlfriend: Will you love me when I'm old and fat and ugly? Boyfriend: Of course I do ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - I can't understand why people say my girlfriend's legs look like matchsticks. They do look like sticks - but they certainly don't match. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice. You don't want justice - you want mercy ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - I'm not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that's the problem - you don't please anyone. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - I've just come back from the beauty parlour. Pity it was closed! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A little boy came downstairs crying late one night. "What's wrong?" asked his mother. "Do people really come from dust, like they said in church?" he sobbed. "In a way they do," said his mother. "And when they die so they turn back to dust?" "Yes, they do." The little boy began to cry again. "Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A neighbour bumped into Jenny playing outside her house after dark. 'Hello, Jenny,' said the neighbour. 'Isn't it time for little girls to be in bed?' 'How would I know?' asked Jenny. 'I haven't got any little girls.' - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Counselor: How many times did I tell you to make your bed? Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Did you hear about the granny who plugged her electric blanket into the toaster by mistake? She spent the night popping out of bed. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Doctor, doctor, I keep dreaming there are great, gooey, bug-eyed monsters playing tiddley winks under my bed. What shall I do? Hide the tiddley winks. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Doctor, doctor, I'm having difficulty sleeping. Doctor: Well maybe it's your bed. Oh, I'm all right at night, it's in the day I have problems. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Father: Why did you put a toad in your sister's bed? Son: I couldn't find a spider. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How can you shorten a bed? Don't sleep long in it. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed ? When your nose touches the ceiling ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - I don't think my Mom knows much about children. Why do you say that? Because she always puts me to bed when I'm wide awake, and gets me up when I'm sleepy! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - I was once in a play called Breakfast In Bed. Did you have a big role? No, just toast and marmalade. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - I woke up, went for a walk, my head fell off and rolled away. I picked it up and put it on. A child walked up to me and said: "Good grief, where are your feet?" I must have left them in bed ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - I'd like to buy a bed, please. Certainly, madam. Spring mattress? Oh, no! I want to be able to use it all year. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - I'd love you to stay the night, but I'm afraid you'll have to make your own bed. Oh, that's all right, I don't mind at all. Right. Here's a hammer, a saw, and some nails. The wood's in the garage. I have four legs, but only one foot. What am I? A bed - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Knock Knock Who's there ! Bed ! Bed who ? Bed you can't guess who I am! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Mother: Did you make your bed today? Daughter: Yes, Mom, but I think it would be easier to buy one. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Shall I tell you the joke about the bed? No, because it hasn't been made up yet. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Sonny: I can't sleep. What should I do? Counselor: Lie near the edge of the bed. That way you'll be sure to drop off! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - The hotel we stayed in for our holiday offered bed and board, but it was impossible to say which was the bed and which was the board. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - "Lie flat on your backs, class, and circle your feet in the air as if you were riding your bikes," said the gym teacher. "Fred! What are you doing? Move your feet, boy." "I'm freewheeling, sir." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A little boy out riding his bicycle knocked down an old lady. She was a bit shaken, but got up, dusted herself off, then turned to the little boy and said, 'Don't you know how to ride a bike?' 'Yes,' he answered, 'but I don't know how to ring the bell yet' - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - A math student who used to come to the university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle. "Where did you get the bike from?" his friends want to know. "It's a `thank you' present", he explains, "from that freshman girl I've been tutoring. But the story is kind of weird..." "Tell us!" "Well", he starts, "yesterday she called me on the phone and told me that she had passed her math final and that she wanted to drop by to thank me in person. As usual, she arrived at my place riding her bicycle. But when I had let her in, she suddenly took all her clothes off, lay down on my bed, smiled at me, and said: `You can get from me whatever you desire!'" One of his friends remarks: "You made a really smart choice when you took the bicycle." "Yeah", another friend adds, "just imagine how silly you would have looked in a girl's clothes - and they wouldn't have fit you anyway!" - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - I went on a long bicycle ride yesterday. Farcical? - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Jack and Jill were riding a tandem up a hill, but making heavy weather of it. At the top, Jack said: 'I didn't think we'd make it!' Jill replied, 'Nor did I - what a good thing I kept the brakes on, or we'd have slid all the way back down!' - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks. 'Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!' - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - My dog is a nuisance. He chases everyone on a bicycle. What can I do? Take his bike away. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Our bank manager can't ride a bike any more. Why not? He lost his balance. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Q: How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb? A: It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Q: Why do bikes have kick-stands? A: Because they're two-tired. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - Romeo: Your cheeks are like petals. Juliet: Really? Romeo: Yes, bicycle pedals. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - The cyclist, passing a pedestrian crossing, runs into a man, and they both fall down. -"Geez, are you lucky." The cyclist says. -"What do you mean by lucky ?" The pedestrian angrily asks. "I got hurt really bad." -"Ah, you're lucky because I recently lost my license. I usually drive a bus." - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - The school teacher was furious when Brad knocked him down with his new bicycle in the school yard. "Don't you know how to ride that yet?" he roared. "Oh yes!" shouted Brad over his shoulder. "It's the bell I can't work yet. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What did the bicycle call its dad? Pop-cycle - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What did the silly boy take his bicycle to bed with him? Because he didn't want to walk in his sleep. - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you call a woman with a bicycle on her head ? Petal ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you get if you cross a bike and a rose ? Bicycle petals ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie

Dowcipy Angielskie - What do you get if you cross a chemical and a bicycle ? Bike carbonate of soda ! - najwiêksza baza w Internecie